two words I [always] think, after you're gone

the answer is...

I just couldn't get it done. I sat and stared, and researched, and found some decent articles. But I couldn't get it done. I told you once, and I'll tell you again:

The classics are ridiculous. I absolutely loathe them. I can't get through it. Stupid Dickens.

second floor [living] without a yard

I just don't want to write this stupid Dickens essay. Its due at noon "today", and once again i'm sitting in my computer chair thinking to myself "why don't i just not write it, give up, and go to bed?".

the answer?

I haven't figured that part out yet. I'll let you know.

[rock] steady

so that few minutes turned into a few hours, and those few hours turned into a day or two. I know, I'm sorry. I've been dealing with some things. And I've been frantically trying to form a thesis for all of my essays. I've been getting nowhere.

Although, I have a pretty nifty outline formed for my Dickens essay. I write using a whiteboard. I like to write out the big thoughts, have them all side by side on the board, and go from there. Usually I can make a pretty decent outline/thesis just by using the board. My mind doesn't work in a linear manner. I like to have everything laid out in front of me at once.

It makes me feel scattered and harried and rushed.

But it works. usually.

you make me [dizzy] miss lizzy

April is here already, rather, has been here for a couple days now. Where the hell did March go? Why, all of a sudden, do I have the rest of my life due in the next couple of weeks? I'm invariably going to spend the entire weekend NOT writing my Brit Lit essay, NOT reading Dickens, and NOT getting the B+ I so thoroughly desire in that class. All I need is a B+ in Brit Lit, and A- in Can Lit and a C in Logic, and I'm back in good standing at the University. I think. At least I'm not getting kicked out. However. The matter of money is still freaking me out. I've never been hugely responsible fiscally. In fact, I've never really been known as "responsible". Sure, to those who don't really know me, I probably seem overly mature for my age. That's mostly just cynicism and a general hatred for the world.

It's eating my soul.

More to follow in a few short minutes.

i miss the comfort [in being sad]

Why aren't they heeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeeeeee!? I'm waiting ever so patiently for my last student loan, so I can make another payment to my tuition, pay my cell phone bill, my internet bill, and make a payment on my VISA, and pay some of my car loan. Gah! Why does it have to be so freaking complicated all the damn time?

why couldn't they just send me cheques. or. or. credit my account on the LAST day of the month, instead of the first day of the month. that way I would have the money when my rent Automatically came out on the FIRST day of the month. and because its Easter, everyone is closing all weirdly, and I'm afraid it won't get here, and they'll make a mistake and not send me the last $600 they're supposed to, and I'll be up a creek without a paddle. Which... I've never really understood. If i'm up a creek, shouldn't the current just bring me back down? wouldn't it be more apt to say, down a creek without a paddle... or.. on the edge of a waterfall with no paddle, parachute, or comprehensive life insurance? *shudders*

that's a scary thought right there. Meanwhile, I can't get ahold of my parents, and i have a mystery package waiting for my at the post office [less waiting for me, more me waiting for them to receive it] and I have no idea what it is, or who its from. i know I have a wedding invitation coming to me at some point, and I also have a grad invitation. It could possibly be either of those, but I don't know why they would go to the Post Office?!

I'm so confused, and the world doesn't make sense anymore. Stupid automatic banking. I think more money gets lost because of automatic/online banking than anything else. Even hobo's on the street.

EVEN HOBOS!