California Uber Alles

"my army smiles, and never frowns"


Whenever I sit down to write, type, or even think, it seems like things are moving way too fast for me to even snatch a single thought --or thought process- and put it down on paper or screen. This makes for a relatively... ..existence, because I never think about something for more than the few minutes its actually happening. This is sort of a survival tactic I learned from previous jobs, where I would stress out way too much if I brought things home, or over-thought them. Now that I have a career, and actually enjoy my job, I can't seem to think straight, organize my thoughts, and actually put together a blog post, or piece of writing (without great difficulty. its taken me ten minutes to write this much).

Things are strange these days. I don't feel a connection anymore. I go to work for 8 1/2 hours a day, and come home to almost a stranger. Any romance is forced, and leaves me feeling concerned for the longevity and strength of our relationship. I've never been an overly confident person (for the most part), and I tend to over-analyze certain things, so when I start to feel this way, I just can't shake this worrisome feeling I have following me around. Its like a black cloud, and it makes it harder for me to initiate anything either, because I hate being rejected by someone who "loves" me time and time again.

So we transition into a life as "room mates" rather than "lovers".

I sincerely hope this doesn't continue for an extended period of time. I don't think I could handle it.

Yours
-Jr


"what you say about his company is what you say about society"
- Rush (Tom Sawyer)