i dont really want to start the show.

and so it begins, a career path no one saw for me, and I didn't see for myself until recently. strange how that happens.

yet here I am.

four dead in ohio.

all running around and drunk and screaming and parking in my fucking spot when there's perfectly good visitor parking RIGHT BESIDE THE FUCKING BUiLDING! there's no need for three different vehicles ALL TO BE IN MY SPOT IN ONE DAY! WHEN IM TRYING TO PARK THERE!

it makes me sad for the future of the planet.

i don't want to do facebook anymore.

just...

the loss of connection.

the increased number of connections, but hte decreased... meaning of each connection with people, depresses me.

they think its grand.

they see what people are up to, but when do they ever talk to eachother?

"i saw your status. that sucks"

"i know, i was bummed."

and..

we can talk all we want, but it seems like the norm these days.

its a bleak bleak horizon.

and to be honest, and probably a little nihlistic, i don't really think anything we do matters anymore.

there's no higher power..

there's no life calling..

there's no soul mate, there's no soul..

its pure hedonism, and the government is frantically trying to keep everything from exploding in a ball of frantic fucking fury.

satiating us with media, television, newspaper, magazines, computers, cellphones.. its all designed to distract us from the fact that its all fucking meaningless.

you live then you die.

its a switch.

on.

off.

why does there have to be something higher than primitive animal nature?

birds reproduce?

insects reproduce/

amoeba reproduce.

is there an amoebic god

?

some higher calling for amoeba's? willing them to survive and reproduce/

or is it just their nature.

their programming

the major flaw with EVERYTHING is the assumption that we're better than animals

cause we're not.

i hate to fucking quote the matrix about anything, but: "humans are a cancer"

we have complex language.

with complex language comes divisions.

with complex language comes the ultimate binary: self and other.

me and you.

the in crowd and the outcast.

immediately, with the introduction to language, a child has learned to differentiate himself from the rest of the race.

assert his individuality.

and supremacy.

great. now we're not working together for the betterment of humans, the planet, or the ecosystem.

we're working for ourselves.

makes us essentially cannibals.

"we have roads and cars and factories, and clothes, and society, and culture, and class, and paintings, and music, and.. and.. and.."

and we have pollution, accidents, waste, petroleum killing millions of species we've never even discovered in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, we have factories spewing waste into the air, killing people and giving them athsma. we have designer labels, making some people think they're not good enough, and some thinking they run the show.

and we have an absolutely arbitrary code of behaviours, stipulating EXACTLY what we have to do to be successful.

not hunting or gathering, basic survival, but completely useless stuff, like... drive a hummer, wear white sunglasses, and a shirt that looks like a tattoo.

or a suit.

and we'll be successful.

the rich get richer, and the poor are sacrificed for the "greater good"

who do you depend on for food?

Safeway, Wal-Mart, and Superstore

and they depend on random farmers in CALIFORNIA!

MEXICO

BOLIVIA

what interest do these people have in providing you with healthy, non-polluted food.

NONE

they get paid either way.

in fact, their food lasts longer if they have pollution in it.

that's a serious incentive to use their food, cause we can sell it easier before it goes bad.

but its got pollution in it.

no worries, though.

chances are, our generation will have a 90% cancer rate by the time we reach 65

retirement savings will be useless.

sure they may have a cure by then..

they may be able to prolong our lives.

we'll be in wheelchairs, and hooked to an IV full of poision which oddly enough cures us...

but we'll be able to use our RRSP's, and flat screen televisions.

societal norms. culture. ethics.

all of it is crap.

its dark and nihilistic.