sure you can bring your [magazine]

I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on.

I can't figure our future out if i don't know where you're going.

I feel lost and confused. again.

On an even worse note, I've gone through my... 6th phone since I moved in 2008.

LG Rumour (water damage)

Samsung M320 (didn't like)

Samsung Ace (absolute crap, and Bell totally messed with my plan making my bills $300 + /month, so I switched to Telus)

Blackberry Curve 8330

LG Cookie Plus (absolute junk, and was told it wouldn't work in SK, and there was no return policy)

HTC Desire (so far this phone kicks some serious ass. Its seriously seeming to be better than the iPhone (aside from the fact that it won't directly sync with my iCal or contacts, but bluetooth and Google calendar fix that problem).

i'll be right there holding you down.

I am very afraid, to be perfectly honest.

Excited, but afraid.

I'm excited, because in 34 days I start my course in Automotive Systems.

I'm afraid, because at the end of this course, I'll have to enter into the workforce, and begin a CAREER. Not just a job anymore. I'll have training, and I'll be skilled, and I'll be entering into an apprenticeship to become a fully fledged Mechanic. Not a glamourous job, but one I can see myself in. A little more practical, a little less abstract and totally random.

I've also been trying to write more, but to no avail. I never seem to have time (currently working on a 24 day in a row stretch for work) anymore. It will be nice once I start working at a Real job. 5 days a week, probably two days off in a row, holidays, no boxing day bullshit, easter weekend, long weekends all the time, pretty cushy stuff. You know, aside from the grease and the heavy lifting and the fixing mechanical things.. other than that, cushy.

I need to get in shape. I've been telling myself this for the last... two years now? And I still haven't figured out exactly what I need to do. never enough willpower to start a new diet, or workout regime. and this and that.

travel, life, laugh, love, all that stuff.

JR

follow me down to the valley below

home smells of garlic. I smile at my reflection.

the home front smells of garlic, while far and away brings sights and sounds of sentient life. your reflection winks and waves, dancing shyly away.

and that's all i have. "real" life has been intruding on the imagined creative existence I once had.

ten years after

Things just seem to keep happening, in the randomly slow way they usually seem to, and I just sort of hang around until it all converges --usually three or four weeks later- and begin to stress.

By all rights, I should be going through all of my stuff, and getting rid of anything that isn't me, productive, or that doesn't improve my overall existence.

Instead, I'm listening to techno while J watches So You Think You Can Dance.

I need to start writing again. I know I keep saying that, but I absolutely must keep writing. Its the only thing I can do that will keep me sane.

For now, I'll try to do some rummaging, and see if that relieves some of the stress.

for now,

Jr

tangled up in blue

Finished And The Hippos Were Boiled In Their Tanks. First book of many I want to read this summer. Pretty decently written. Kerouac and Burroughs are basically awesome. Makes me really want to write a book where almost nothing is accomplished. Just a telling of a few weeks in someone's life, or multiple someone's lives.

On to Post Office by Charles Bukowski.