I have a hard time believing that its only Monday. Feels like the week has been dragging on, and it hasn't even begun yet. I have random aches and pains in my joints, and tingling sensations in my arms and legs, as if they're falling asleep, and its disturbing me. I really think something is wrong with me.

i don't feel attractive anymore.

Beneath, Between, Behind

Fly By Night is my new favorite Rush album.

egad

i just re-read the Kroetsch essay i have posted here.

i was a pretentious prick.

[death by] diamonds and pearls

I haven't been ignoring you.

If you know anything about me, you know its extremely hard for me to let people/things/events/places go. its very hard for me to completely forget about anything or anyone that/who was at one point important to me. I still think about all my old friends, all my old exes, all the people I had even just one significant encounter with --random strangers or not.

so if you think i've just thrown you out of my life, you're partially correct. I had a decision to make. Either severely scale back communications, or lose my significant other. I've run through this already, and it hasn't changed.

I promise to make a better effort to write, update, and comment. But I can't do much more.

and some days, its all i can do to remember what it is i wanted to say on here. I've really lost the ability to hold any sort of thought for more than a few minutes.


but most of all,

i'm sorry.